VMA's - Paris Hilton (late post)

I especially enjoy the expression on the man sitting behind her. It's as though he started applauding for her, and then, actually catching a glimpse of her, has stopped mid-clap to think, "Sweet cracker sandwiches, what is she wearing?"

Good question, Perplexed Clapping Man. What IS she wearing? Let's take a closer look:

1. Bangs sculpted into a careful homage to Conan O'Brien
2. Wee little bows tried around her wrists like the world's twee-est handcuffs
3. De riguer giant belt
4. A skirt composed of equal parts duck feathers and the rejected scraps from Madonna's "Like A Virgin" costume. When Madonna and Bjork discover this fact, they will put on matching purple leotards and cartwheel over to Paris's house, where they will beat her severely with a sock full of quarters.
5. Black ankle boots, of course. Because what else do you wear with your fluffy white party dress? She's so ROCK AND ROLL! But what else would you expect from a songstress whose album includes the hardcore lines, "Girls and boys are looking at me/I can't blame them cause I'm sexy," or "I'm hot to death and I'm so, so, so sex-ee." I mean, the girls has CHOPS, am I right?

Is it wrong that I sort of just indulged in a fantasy wherein she walked right off the end of the stage, cracked her head, gave herself amnesia, forgot that she was supposed to be busy destroying the very fabric of our nation, and disappeared forever? That's what we're all hoping for, really, right?

ALEXA VEGA: Oh my GOD, I can't believe I'm getting photographed with PARIS HILTON. This is so AWESOME.

PARIS: What are you, person? You remind me of something.

ALEXA: My movie Spy Kids?

PARIS: No! Duh -- I hate science. I think it's... you kind of look like Lindsay Lohan rolling out of some dude's hotel room at seven in the morning.

ALEXA: Dammit, it's the stain on my pants, isn't it? I KNEW it was noticeable.

PARIS: No, that just reminds me of the time I puked all over Nicky's Cyndi Lauper costume.

ALEXA: When you were kids?

PARIS: Yeah, like two whole years ago, and she's STILL mad at it, like, whatever, I don't even REMEMBER anything else about that year. She tried to tell me that I didn't need to bring breath mints out with us on Halloween because it wasn't THAT kind of trick-or-treating, and I got so mad at her for killing my buzz.

ALEXA: That's...

PARIS: But THIS year I'm going as Wayne from Wayne's World. But, like, a sexy man-girl Wayne. The kind with BOOBS. This is most of what I'm wearing. Isn't it hott? You want me.

ALEXA: One time I got to...

PARIS: Hey listen, if I cut off one of your braids, could I smoke it?

ALEXA: What? So now you don't like my...

PARIS: I told Larry King I would be good. It's not illegal to inhale if I'm smoking hair, right?

ALEXA: I can't believe you're allowed to wear a wig and a trucker hat, and you're ragging on me for looking like Pippi Longstocking just discovered the 80s floor at Polly Esther's.

PARIS: Longstocking? What's that, like a body condom?

ALEXA: I'm beginning to think I've made a huge mistake.

The Hottie and the Fuglie

PARIS HILTON: Hello, LOVERS!

NICKY HILTON: I'm just going to look over here.

PARIS: And people think I am NOT SMART. I am smart enough to go out on the drunkiest night of the year with my NAME scrawled in the general area of my area, so if people forget my name --

NICKY: -- or if you forget your own name.

PARIS: TOTALLY. What was I talking about?

NICKY: You're smart enough to prepare for the eventuality of forgetting your own name, or for the very likely possibility of your hook-up being too drunk to remember it, so you purposely wore a dress with it scrawled across your gut in sequins.

PARIS: Oh, right. You sound smart tonight.

NICKY: Just in comparison.

PARIS: Huh?

NICKY: Exactly.

Trendrous

KRISTEN: HI THERE!

HAYDEN: Hey there, Kristen... um... that's an interesting look.

KRISTEN: Let's be friends! We have so much in common. We're both tiny. We're both blonde. We're both wearing black and white. We're THE SAME.

HAYDEN: Not quite the same, maybe, though, huh? For one thing... no offense but I look kind of great.

KRISTEN: But... but I don't look stumpy!

HAYDEN: No, but the ruffle is not good, hon. It looks like a terrible bib.

KRISTEN: What? SHUT UP.

HAYDEN: I'm just trying to help. I see where you were GOING with it, but it just kind of looks like you were sniffing glue one night and decided to use it on one of your little black dresses.

KRISTEN: I don't have to put up with this. I'M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED.

HAYDEN: Good luck with that. What with them saying "Claire is the key" a lot lately and making a whole SLOGAN about how they couldn't save the world without saving me first, well, I am pretty sure they are going to laugh in your face, babe.

KRISTEN: OH, well, THEY WILL COME AROUND. Once I pitch them my promo package where they show clips of me being all sparky while "Electric Youth" by Debbie Gibson plays in the background, I will be the queen of the show and you will be FIRED and I will clean out your trailer myself with this dress.

HAYDEN: That's fitting, since I'm pretty sure the bib ruffle cost you about as much as a rag. Have fun! I'm going to go take some pictures with Milo that will make people think we might be dating, so that we can deny it some more.

KRISTEN: Oh yeah? Well I'm going to go find Evil Sexy Sark because WE are dating ALLEGEDLY and he is way hotter and more interesting, and his fake accent will make the whole world's loins explode.

HAYDEN: You have a point there.

KRISTEN: You will never beat me, little girl. GAME SET AND MATCH to ME. Bib and all.

Leighton Meester Exclusive

The Gossip Girl star gets Dazed

“High school is the worst experience ever,” says Leighton Meester. A funny comment coming from an actress who attended the famed Beverly Hills High (alums include Angelina Jolie, Monica Lewinsky, Lil Romeo, and – natch - Alicia Silverstone and Tori Spelling), went on to star as Blair Waldorf on “Gossip Girl” and appears in the new high school movie Remember the Daze, out this weekend. “I’ve been playing 16 or 17 [year-olds] for quite a few years - everyone does that. Hopefully I’ll be playing that age for a few years. This is way more fun than high school.”
Of course, Blair Waldorf’s idea of fun – testing Jenny Humphrey, toying with Chuck Bass – is quite different from that of Meester’s latest character, valedictorian Tori, who lets loose on her last night of high school. So how much trouble did Meester get in during her teen years? “I’ve had a couple fender benders. And I’d always be out for one reason or another, sometimes working, sometimes ditching.”

Fashion-wise, Meester has more in common with Tori as well. Set in 1999, Remember the Daze has Meester (who in real life loves Alexander Wang, Missoni, Zac Posen, and Chloe Sevigny’s line for Opening Ceremony) in that very late ‘90s combo of a sundress over a baby-tee. “I went through so many phases in high school that I can’t say exactly what my style was. A combination of just rolling out of bed and going to class and kind of defying my femininity by wearing sweatshirts with holes in them, never wearing heels or skirts. Also, all black almost all the time.” Meester, who is blonde in her new movie, also admits to experimenting with her hair color. “I dyed it every color. I dyed it fire engine red and that didn’t work out. It also had it black and red streaks.” (When we later asked Meester about her musical tastes, she kind of had us expecting her to say Ozzy - but alas, her favorite song is “Out on the Weekend” by Neil Young).

Seeing as her actual high school style sounds like the opposite of Blair Waldorf's, we had to ask – What does Meester think about all the headbands? “I love them! I love all of it! Whenever I' getting ready to go on set and I' in the full outfit, that' when I feel like I'm truly the character. [Blair]’s kind of conservative but still has a little edge and wild streak - but very expensive and high maintenance and coiffed. I love the school uniform, and of course headbands are always in style when it comes to the show.” Meester adds, “I have some say. It’s funny because every single time that I go into wardrobe room everything they have I love. So I never get to say no to anything, but I could."

Having survived essentially nine years of high school, Meester leaves us with some sage advice. "I think the biggest thing to know is things aren’t as bad as they seem. Your boyfriend seems like the last one you’ll ever have and the love of your life, your friends and their drama seems so important - but it's not." Unless, of course, your friends are Nate Archibald and Serena van der Woodsen.

Modelling Schools

Why spend $2000 on 'modeling school' if you can learn just by watching TV?

When your mom berates you for watching a ten-hour marathon of America's Next Top Model, she's totally missing how the show is really a form of educational TV. (Sorry, PBS, but it's true!) If you're psyched to become a top model, what could make better sense than taking a cue from people who are actually going through the process - on TV. Here's how the show schooled us in do's and don't for a "go see" which is what we industry types call a try-out for models looking to book a photo shoot.

Lesson 1: Nix the Purple Eye Shadow
Don't put on gobs of make-up before attending an open call. Designers want models who are versatile and can handle a wide range of looks. Plus, you don't know what the designer is looking for, and trust us, it's better not to guess. Just look at Cycle 8's Renee; girl looks like she's 40 when she gets all made up. Stick with a touch of lip gloss and mascara, and lay off heavy liner or foundation. "Make sure they can see your beautiful face," says Paul Wharton, a modeling expert.

Lesson 2: Don't Go Hair Crazy
Every fashion show, shoot, client etc has its own hair stylists. Translation: you won't impress anyone if you roll into a go-see with wild curls, a complicated up-do, or, as Tyra calls it "mall hair." Your hair should be clean and free of product. To draw attention to your features, pull it back. You'll immediately look more professional and mature (just ask Cycle 1 winner, Adrienne). And don't stress about the length. "If an agency likes your look, they really aren't concerned about whether your hair is long or short," says Wharton.

Lesson 3: Back to Basics
Just like with hair and makeup, your clothing should be simple, relatively form fitting, and easy to change out of. Try a basic tank with jeans. Anything laced up or with tons of buttons is more trouble than it's worth, plus it won't look professional to agencies or designers who deal with professional models on a regular basis. This season's Dionne transformed from supermodel to super lame when she opted for a pink sparkly sweater tank. But when she switched to a beater and dark denim for the next judging panel, everyone was all smiles (even Ms. J).

Lesson 4: A Polaroid is Worth a Thousand Words
Not every top model has the cash to score professional headshots, but a Polaroid works just as well. Wharton recommends having a friend take a few basic shots from full body to close-up angles. After all, that's what most of the ANTM contestants sent in, and look how far they've gotten.

Lesson 5: Attitude is everything
When you're meeting the people who hold the reins in a competitive industry like modeling, we can't stress enough how crucial your attitude is. If a designer or agency gets even a whiff of diva behavior, you can count yourself out (We give you Exhibit A: Camille and her 'signature walk' from Cycle 2). The same goes for a lack of confidence. As Wharton says, "If you don't believe you're beautiful, chances are not many other people will either." So suck up your ego, be super-polite and polished, and project confidence without being snobby. And enunciate, Jael!

Back-To-School Styles

We searched the runway for your back-to-school look.

Not sure what your 'look' is going to be for this school season? Don't worry, we feel your pain. Sometimes we're into being super girly, other times we're just dying to be a tomboy and every now and then we even feel like trying out the whole grunge thing like MK Olsen. But if the fall runways are any indication, it seems that this season is all about the prepsters - and we mean in a good way. Forget about the popped up collars, cardigans draped around the neck, ribbon belts and pearl necklaces. Designers have re-invented preppy for us and made it not only wearable but, dare we say it, cool. Lacoste featured striped sweater dresses on the runway, paired with matching berets and cardigans (yes, sometimes matchy-matchy does work.) Alice & Olivia had Peter Pan collar blouses paired with miniskirts and rompers worn over bow blouses. Blugirl took it to the next level with striped tops, full ladylike skirts and quirky accessories like leopard print boots and floral hats. Our pick? Derek Lam, who made his girls look so adorable in their fitted sweaters and high-waisted swinging plaid skirts. Now all you need to do is work on your croquet!

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